Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
