That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
