I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
