Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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