Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
