Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
