I like my sex mixed with concussions.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
