i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we're making bets on your personal life
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
