hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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