I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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