You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
