Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
