We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
