I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
