i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
