I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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