dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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