david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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