just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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