You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
