Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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