I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
