Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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