She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
