dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Houston, we have a squirter
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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