How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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