Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
