No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
