where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
