i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just gargled with NyQuil
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
