i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'd cum for enchiladas.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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