its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
