i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
