i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
