All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
