i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
