Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
