Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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