Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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