i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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