I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
