Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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