I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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