You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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