if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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