what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
