I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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