Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
