next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
