Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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