I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
